"See ya!"To say I felt deflated would be a very conservative way of describing what I really felt as I plodded back to the café. I could see Mandy standing outside the door looking up the road towards me."Lisa?" she asked."Yeah." How is she?" Fine I suppose." It's not the same anymore is it?" No." I said, and I couldn't help it, I was starting to cry.Can't get used to losing youThat feeling of rejection after the indifference of Lisa's response didn't go away. I was, I suppose, the epitome of a hopeless romantic (although I preferred "new romantic" as the term then was), offering more melodrama than a Bette Davis movie and moping round the house like a fart in a trance.I questioned being Suzanne at all. After all, it was Lisa's affirmation of liking what she saw on the day of the Cordoba that made me go along with it all in the first place. The kiss in the toilets just made me feel if that was what being a girl was going to be like then I didn't ever want to change, a fact that was. ”I carried the box into the house, put it on my desk, then came back downstairs.“I’ll see you at church,” I said.“If you need to talk...”I shook my head, “Not right now.”I actually DID need to talk, but not to my mom. I needed to talk to Clarissa, and maybe Angie, and then I needed a night of special cuddling with Sophia. Unfortunately, none of the three were in West Monroe, though I did have both Angie’s and Clarissa’s phone numbers.“You’re sure you’re OK?” she asked.“I’ll be fine. I’m just driving to church.”“See you there in a bit.”I nodded and walked out to my car, got in, started the engine, put it in gear, and pulled out of the driveway. I was still stunned that Jocelyn had returned the gift, and done so by leaving them on the porch in the middle of the night. As I drove, I realized I almost should have expected that kind of possible response, but I’d hoped my gesture would have opened the door, even a crack. Now, short of kidnapping her and forcing her to talk to me, I was out.
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