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When I returned with the coffee’s I was surprised to find Janice now sitting there entirely naked. ‘Surprise!’ she grinned. ‘In case you don’t know…I didn’t really want the coffee, but what I do want…is for you to come over here and fuck me!’ It was obvious that like myself, Janice hadn’t been wearing a thing beneath her robe either. ‘Ah…maybe we should take this upstairs to the bedroom then,’ I suggested actually turning, still holding the two cups of coffee in my hands. ‘No, I really don’t have the time,’ she said simply. ‘I shouldn’t leave mom alone for too long really, but was still so aroused from last night, wanting to jump your bones this morning even, that I thought I’d come over, f***e a nice quickie out of you to tide me over until later. So please Mark, just put the coffee down and come make love to me, like I said, I really need to hurry and get back to her.’ To put it mildly, I was torn. Bad enough that I had been standing there jerking myself off for her mother, not one. Nothing left to bolster my spirits but sheer will alone. I have the undesirable ability to shut down emotions. I try not to flip that switch, because it can’t be turned back on. I will take so much punishment before I do it, because if there’s any chance, any tiny .000001% of a chance that it will get better, I want to hang on. I’m tenacious. I don’t know how to give up. I refuse to believe I can’t fix things no matter how bad they get. But I’m learning that I can’t fix people. I can’t make someone feel things, or make them want to provide what I need. They either will, or they won’t. People are drawn to me. Men especially. But I’ve only met two people in my life who just did not like me, and that was okay, because I found them despicable anyway. They were not good people. They were not kind people, or even honest people. If a person has redeeming qualities, or is trying to become better, I respect that, and I give them credit for it. After my childhood, I didn’t speak to my.
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