"If I'm feeling stressed, it let's me unwind. I can't remember when I started. Probably when I was about sixteen. Since then I've dressed about twice a week. Sometimes I just wear panties under my male clothes. Sometimes I wear the whole outfit. Sometimes I go for what I call the Full Monty - clothes, make-up, wig, the lot. Oh, there have been purges, when I've thrown away my clothes and promised never to do it again, but I always go back." The spare bedroom, the one I keep locked, is Candy's room. That's where I keep all my femme stuff, clothes, body shapers, wigs, make-up, jewellery. It's all there. That's where I go to get dressed. I had to tell you, Sarah, before you moved in. It's a part of my life and I can't give it up."Sarah was still lying impassive, looking at Phil. She was thinking. She had a lot to take in. Phil went on, "So, Sarah, do you still want to move in? To live with a guy in a frock?"Sarah swallowed. "It's hard to imagine you in a frock," she said not answering. .. except not if she was disappointed in me.I think I understand people who commit suicide a little better. Things go wrong for them, and it piles up and there just comes a time when you think, "What the fuck. This isn't any fun and it's not going to get any more fun, and at least if I croaked I wouldn't be thinking about all this any more."Not that I was suicidal. I mean it wasn't that bad. But the final and irrevocable death of the relationship would be kind of like that. It would be over, and I could go back to looking for the owner of the grocery list, as pathetic as I knew that was.Which was why, when I pulled up in front of her house, I decided to commit romantic suicide."Thanks," she said tiredly. She reached for the door handle."Wait!" My voice cracked.She leaned back and looked at me expectantly."I need to tell you something."She sat there, waiting.I am not an orator. I don't write speeches, and I sure as hell never practiced delivering one. If there's a speech fairy out.
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