I have been obsessed with the image of the Maid all the more.I see my self in service working as a Ladies Maid at the mercy of adomineering Mistress who controls my mind and body. I have had dreams ofbeing female since I was very young. I have tried to resist them asunsocial urges and have kept this tendency to my self and my few realgirlfriends. When you have what could be considered to be an incurablesocial disease, you keep quiet about it.I think it is the attraction of being without guilt. When you are aservant, you do as you are told without question therefore any guilt foryour actions is transferred to the person who told you to do it. To aCatholic boy any excuse is enough to let go of the reigns and allow sexto be thrust upon me with no feelings of guilt. I think that somewherebetween my alcoholic father and my overprotective mother I must havedeveloped a deep guilt about sex, which may have resulted in myobsessive desire to have sex thrust upon me. To have no choice. To. Soon a woman about thirty-five, neatly dressed, came into the room. "Brian, what did your father say about playing with your guns in thehouse. Now put it away and stop teasing your sister." "Okay Mom. But watch out Barbie next time I will get you and I'll bringalong GI Joe to help." The girl started crying as her mother ran over to comfort her. "Why is my brother being so mean? He was always a cool guy to me." "Well that's what older brothers are for. They look after theiryounger brothers and torment their younger sisters. There is a certain bondbetween siblings of the same sex. One that is plainly missing here Ifear." "So he never taught me how to shoot." "No, but he did plan an invasion of Barbie's dream house." "That stinks." "Well that's what would have happened if you had been born a girl." "I could live with that I guess. It would have been worth it in orderto be a girl. As I said, I looked up to my brother, I wanted so much to bejust like.
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