She said but if I am having those kind of feelings, I need to find a boy my age, not a man 30 years older than me, it was not healthy. It was too late though. After so much time with those Playgirls, I really wanted to make love with an older man. I wanted an older strong man to control me and take care of me. I didn’t want to be outed at school or to my friends so I knew my experience had to be hidden and anonymous. I bought an adult newspaper from a rack and read about a bathhouse in Van Nuys called Roman Holiday Spa for men. The reviews said that it was rare to see any young people there, mostly men between 40-60 and married men. It sounded perfect for what I was looking for. I decided to actually go there on my 18 birthday and check it out. What a monumental way to spend my 18th birthday. This was to be my first gay experience and ended up very traumatic for me. I felt so ashamed afterward that I didn’t share the company of a man for a couple of years after that. So this is how. Yes. But he was the only other guy that ever touched or played with my bare pussy, besides you. What about Freddy? Doesnt he count? Ray asked, catching me totally off-guard. Of course he does, I eventually answered, after an awkward moment of silence, and then quickly added in my own defense, But that was totally different. Freddy wasnt my boyfriend. And I didnt jack him off. Sure you did. You just didnt do it with your hands. Thats all, Ray remarked sarcastically. Shame on you! Youre so bad! I said, and then reached across to give Ray a soft-but-quick slap on the shoulder with my open hand. Yeah, but that just makes me more lovable, right? Ray said, with a big forced fake-looking smile on his face, and then asked me, So who was this ex-boyfriend that you jacked off? Do I know him? I slowly nodded my head in response to Rays last question. And after hesitating for a few more awkward, silent moments in order to try to figure out the best way for me to break this latest piece of news.
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