.. I had an illegitimate child instead.Mother's suicide came a year later.Nudging the Merc into drive and back on the road the view of the valley is quietly left behind me.My thoughts though, remain surrounded by it.I imagine returning to a point in life and able to step back onto my original pathway.Perhaps I'd be a university lecturer now, not BluMag's proprietor.I've often avoided thinking about those times to be honest. It's all remained very hazy.Perhaps we all polish over the bits of life that make us feel uneasy.This evening though, alone on the highway, those memories from the early sixties, surface ... memories from a day that began altering things ... altered me, from being just another home-alone young mumEarly DaysI hum along to Radio Caroline as I wash-up and listen to them playing together behind me.Jess is squealing with delight as Dan romps on the floor with her. The sounds are reminiscent of my own childhood with him.Staring at the darkness through the window I recall. And then I did it again two months ago.”“Same lucky guy?” Nora asked and added a giggle.That got a similar giggle out of Ulla. “No, not the same guy. Not at all.”“Did you do it often?”“Not with the first ... that was kinda awkward, you know? But the second guy, he was ... much better, you know?”“Ah, well an experienced woman. The best kind, am I right Nora?”“So how many times? A woman counts her lovers, Jim; Ulla knows what I mean.”“Umm, must have been six or seven times with Mitchell, but ... umm...”.“What?” Nora prodded.“I umm, did it with a few girls too.”“Well that’s good news,” Nora said. Then I won’t be all that much of a surprise, will I?”Ulla giggled, and said, “Not likely!” This last was uttered in a liberated and mature way.I knew then that Nora and I would be enjoying our time with Ulla.“But how old are you, really?” Nora asked.“Sixteen,” she replied, adding another year to her age.“Do you have a lot of girlfriends?” I threw this in to keep her from realizing she’d told us.
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