He has wrote me poems, planned a holiday to India and planted a commitment tree in the garden. I don't doubt that he's sorry.But he still has to sleep in the spare room while I work on coming to a decision on our future.A big part of me wants to leave him as I understand our marriage will never be the same. Our love has lost its innocence. The wounds of betrayal still fester under the band-aides of hope and forgiveness.There is no point in hiding it, I want revenge. And I want it bad. I want to make Chris feel the same pain I did. I want to make him pay for what he did in every sense. He is going to suffer. He is going to cry.I'm going to break Chris.Only then can we begin to build each other up and realise what we have is worth saving.I'm going to sleep with another man. I want to know what it feels like to make love… no, not love. I want to know what it feels like to have sex. Hot dirty sex. Sex without commitment. Sex without strings. Chris did it. Why can't I?I will.I just need. I catch one of them checking me out, he keeps looking at my ass and my legs. When I see him looking at me, he lifts his head and smiles at me. People are getting on and getting off at different floors, Mr Looker is still on with me. As we get to the ninth floor he gets off, winks at me and exits. I sigh kinda loud and say that if you really want to stare, you need to take me to bed. Then the doors closed.I get to my floor and exit, the lobby is a crisp light blue and the secretary sitting behind the dark brown desk, greets me. She then tells me, Eric will be with me shortly. She offers me something to drink, I ask for bottle water. She comes back with a very cold bottle of water and sits back behind her computer. The phone rings, she tells me to enter Eric's office. I walk in the very enormous office, look around and see Eric sitting in his chair facing the wall of windows. I say hello as he turns to look at me. To my shock he's the guy from the elevator. We both are in.
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