Prayer circles had formed in Springfield, Monett, Joplin, Lamar, Cassville, Lebanon, on the net, and many others to which I am still unaware. Right before surgery our friends and family circled in the waiting room and sang several songs. The neuro-surgeon also participated in singing and prayer. Hands were held and prayers were lifted up for the hands that were performing the surgery and for Mom and Dad. Then Dad got up and left for his room. There were family members that have been Christians their whole life that were overwhelmed for the first time with the presence of the Holy Spirit and Christian Love. As I looked around the circle, what I saw was Christian men and women worshipping and praising God together. Yes, there were Presbyterian, Methodist, Baptist, Catholic, First Christian, Disciples of Christ, and Assembly of God church members there, but we offered prayers and praise to God as His children. Prior to Dad’s surgery, Mom and I were at his side in the surgery room. The. But she knows, I just know it. The way she keeps looking at me from time to time, with that look of lowly pity... and disgust.Well what the hell does she want from me? Not everyone can be as good as she is! Not every one can be righteous and sinless. I have to pay the bills somehow.Besides, what's it too her that I do what I do? She doesn't know the hours I put in the gym, toning my body to perfection. She doesn't know how it's like performing before a bunch of salivating men. Its hard work. Why should she care what its all for?But she does care. She surely pity's me for using my body and not my mind. How loving of her. But that's where her love ends, I'm sure of it.In her eyes I'm nothing but a snake, a heathen snake. She's seen right through my thick coat, into my soul and seen the stripper inside.But what does she want me to do about it? Take off my coat? Reveal who I am with out shame? I have no shame. So what if I'm a stripper? A woman who dances nude for paying men. I'm not.
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