"Gary cashes themfree there out of the donation money."That explains why the others had ready cash, Niles thought. "You arelooking good, Rocky. Having a drink?" No Niles, I quit drinking a couple weeks back. Cleaned myself up, andnow I'm volunteering for the church. We just spent the last weekputting on a new roof for the place, and one of the foremen on thatjob is planning to set up a team of workers to do roofing on thehouses of the poor: purely volunteer. I've never felt better:physically and mentally." I can't believe you have given up drinking," Niles said. "I rememberyou coming in here as a kid on a false ID. And for the last 10 years,your whole life had revolved around it. No way you have gone clean." I have," Rocky said. "There is this painting at the church. You kneeldown and pray, and you can make a promise to the Lord not to drinkagain, and you no longer have the craving. I don't drink anything butwater any more. Those last 10 years were lost years, and I won't loseany. Mom and Dad, JR and Shannon were asleep up there.I walked the short distance to the kitchen, wiggled the grate at the bottom of the fridge. I lay down, prone, to get a better grip; finally found that if you lifted up and pulled, it unhooked. Tufts of dust and dirt pulled away; I could smell the faint odor of smoke.I pulled handfuls of the mess crammed in there. Dust bunnies on serious steroids. I saw the charring; I lost it.I'd done so many things for so many; I was the rock. The hard one; in all senses of the word. I'd been there for Jenny, for Mary, Elizabeth and Shannon. All the others. I'd sat calmly and quietly in the ruins of my car for more than two hours while men worked to free me, smelling the gasoline that would have incinerated me in a flash if someone goofed. I'd joked with those men.And now, laying on my stomach on the kitchen floor of the house I'd grown up in, the tears came hard; buckets and gushers, more even than the night Jenny revealed her soul to me.I didn't.
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