I’m living proof you haven’t much time left. This exchange of verbal legerdemain continued for a while. My parents’ points were that I was old enough to start my adult life, by which they meant marry someone who would be useful to the family either socially or economically. These were impeccable young men and I could hardly do better in terms of looks, charm, wealth and something they left undefined. They could certainly provide additional candidates for me to choose from, though, of course, that’s not how they put it. My position was that I didn’t need some other family’s money. I was studying for a career and it would be a waste not to pursue it. Mom said it was important to have the background, but implied it was completely unnecessary to actually use it. I told them I needed to find myself, to figure out what I really wanted from life. They said they had taught me who I was and we fill in what we want from life in between our obligations. Children chase after what they want to be. It became easier to carry on with my new life and not inflict myself on you.”“How noble of you,” she said, but not in a kindly way. “I didn’t get a chance to tell you how I felt; you took that away from me. You gave up on me, just like you gave up on yourself. Not exactly the heroic image you’d like to project is it? The noble self-sacrificing man saving his lover from hurt and disappointment, when all the while he was hurting her and disappointing her. You really were fucked up, weren’t you?” she spat.I couldn’t argue with her. After all, in so many words, Doctor Urquhart had said the same thing.“There’s nothing I can say to make it right, Gabrielle,” I began quietly. “I know that now. I’m ashamed of myself for not facing up to my faults and dealing with my problems. It’s past me now, but it’s going to haunt me for a long time to come.”The last thing I wanted now was to drive her away again, but her comments made that seem likely.“It’s not past you yet, Kyle,” she said calmly after.
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