Nah, raspberry wasn’t the answer. Therefore, I tried strawberry. Better, but still not, what I was after. Blueberry didn’t work either. I was done with the berries and started in on other kinds of fruit. “Did you know they make a kiwi-flavored rubber? I like kiwis, but they didn’t get the taste quite right. I rolled a banana-flavored raincoat on him, but it tasted too real. I bit down. I thought Lydia was going to have a fucking heart attack when Josh screamed.” Josh interjected here. “I offered to buy every banana flavored condom she had if I could just burn them on the spot. Lydia wasn’t interested.” Veronica resumed. “We went through all sorts of flavors, maybe a dozen total, before I tried lemon. That’s the answer. Lemon flavored condoms are my favorites. I asked Lydia how many she had in stock. Josh wanted to get out of there immediately, but I wanted to be sure to bring back some for the rest of you to try. What’s the fun of finding something new if you can’t share it with your. Bernie, I figured, was well pissed off about something. ‘What the fuck is your problem man?’ I demanded. ‘You, you arsehole! How could you do that to my sister?’ ‘How could I do what, Bernie? I have no idea what you’re are talking about.’ ‘Hey arsehole, I want you out of here before I call the old Bill!’ George’s voice came from over my shoulder somewhere. I switched into conciliatory mode, I liked the ‘Farmers Arms’ and whether I liked Bernie or not, sometimes I had to take the bugger out for a drink. You know on his birthday and the like. ‘Hold on George, I’m sure this is just a silly misunderstanding. Now Bernie, if I let you up are we going to be able to talk about this like grown men, or are you going to finish up or your arse again?’ ‘I’ve calmed down.’ Bernie assured me. It took the combined efforts of George and myself to set Bernie on his feet again. ‘Right Bernie, now what’s eating you?’ I asked after ordering him a pint. ‘What, are you thick or something? Do you think I.
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