I said ok and turned to go back. She stopped me to go back and asked to go in her house. I said that I had to meet with Akram and since he was not at home so I had to go back. “What happened if Akram is not present at home” “I am here” she said. She asked me to come in house and wait for him. However, on her insisting, I entered in her house. She regretted for opening the door late and told that she was enjoying the rain at the rooftop. I asked her if there was no one else except her. She said that her house inmates had gone to see her ill uncle and they will be back after 2-3 hours. She offered me a chair in drawing room and said that your clothes are quite wet and you may become ill, as the weather is very cold. So you should change your clothes just now. I thanked her, and said that I would change my clothes when I would back to my home. She insisted to change and gave me a dress of Akram. I asked her that her clothes are also wet. She said yeah I know. I am also going to change. Before, I was walled off, emotionally, focused on doing whatever it took to get my fix -- and trying not to think about how I was lying, cheating and stealing and using people. I couldn't get emotionally involved with anyone under those circumstances, as it would only hurt us both. Once my 'fix' had an emotional component -- and really didn't involve hurting anyone -- I could open up; in fact, I had to in order to be effective. I was sad for some of these guys -- and helping them and giving them a little comfort helped ME, so it wasn't something I had to be ashamed of. I could atone for my sins AND get my 'fix'; it was the best of both worlds.Monday night was good, and Tuesday night was better; Sis came by Tuesday afternoon, bubbling over, and told me that Gonzalo had taken her as a concubine -- and I was actually happy for her! It didn't really help me, but the idea that I was going to take a while to sort things out had been sort of out there all along. Last night had been good; I.
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