When I got back to my flat I just chilled and went though what we had talked about. Me thinking how strange – me not even having realised how she felt for me, and just me – not realising I had any particular charm that would attract any woman. I have had two or three girl friends but they have never worked out, there seemed always to be something missing – and after the initial stage the magic soon wore off and we had nothing more to give each other. Was it really worth then even thinking about starting something with this woman, who, despite her confession John was nothing to her physically? But the mind of a natural guy led to other fruits, that okay – I could not love this woman, not just like that, but could I fuck her? Well she had indicated in no uncertain terms that is what she wanted and I felt a certain urge inside. It was as if my sexual prowess had been redundant for some time but now the branches were sprouting. By the time I got to bed I was well and truly fixated, even. For that first year, she did indeed visit me every month. The visits were poignant. She assured me she was fine and refused to consider moving out of the house. She said she'd work extra to make the payments. I could see she was worried though. Something seemed not right, but then, she was under a lot of pressure. It was clear to me that my being inside was tougher on her than it was on me.About the middle of my second year of incarceration, she began to miss our visitation schedule. She wrote me each time that she was working overtime to keep the house. I couldn't fault her for that. We loved the house, but I did miss her visits.By the third year her visits were down to three times for the entire year: our anniversary month, my birthday, and Christmas. Things stayed like that thereafter. She was always apologetic and made few meetings we did have as much about me as possible.It was Thanksgiving of year six that I caught a break. The prisons were too full. The governor was releasing.
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