A best friend and, for one night, a great lover. It felt as though I've lost 2 really good relationships. With Gavin, because I'm a man, regardless of how convincing I look on the outside underneath I'm still a man and, to be honest that's how I feel about sex-changes as well. That it's tinkering, major tinkering, but doesn't really change the basic facts. I am a man.With Maria, well she's gone home now without a number or address there's no way to get in touch. Maybe that's how she wanted it. Her time away from the everyday. Maybe it's for the best but I can't help but feel a lot of regret there.I spent the rest of the week concentrating fully on the course to take my mind off the issues. The evenings I still spent dressed as Angela but didn't venture far beyond the hotel bar and restaurant. Wednesday and Thursday passed without too many incidents. I kept seeing Janet around the hotel, but beyond a polite greeting she kept to herself. I noticed her husband as well and. I was pissed beyond belief. And I ended up with my feelings hurt."Nah," he said. He said it so quickly that it was like an afterthought. Like something that was so minor in importance that it didn't even rate consideration.I was sure that steam was coming out of my ears as the tables turned."Oh come on Mark, it's been a week!" I heard myself whining."I'm just not in the mood," he said."I could suck your dick," I smiled trying to make myself seem sexy. It was a struggle. Especially when my fondest dream would have been to bite it off and spit it into the fireplace. "Please baby let me suck your dick," I begged."I don't know," he said as if considering it. "You're not very good at it. It just seems like you're just trying to get it over with. Maybe week after next..."A shock went through me. And that was the way things always went with us. I tried all of the shit I learned on TV, in magazines and from my mother, to come out on top, but Mark always seemed to get the upper hand.CJ, on.
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