“Yes, dear! Sorry!” Gordon obediently answered like the henpecked wimp that he was.“Wow, she’s got your balls in a tiny glass jar, doesn’t she?” I needled both of them now, making them turn beet-red in the face.“Who the Devil are you?” Sheila now asked the spirit.“What happened to language?” Gordon dared to point out her hypocrisy.“Shut up!” Sheila shouted him down.“Yes, dear,” Gordon meekly replied now.“Well, I’m not him, if that’s what you’re asking me. He doesn’t actually exist. I am a spirit, however. A spirit guide, if you will,” the spirit responded to her calmly, but firmly.“So, Satan doesn’t exist ... what about God?” Sheila demanded to know now.“Satan, God, all creations of man. At least the Christ, that is. And Jehovah. And Allah. Not your version of God. A big, old white man in the sky with a snow-white beard and hair. We, on the other hand, have always been here. Spirits, ascended masters, whatever you want to call us. I hate to break it to you, but the Nazarene is a false. "Yes," she said. "It's a contest to decide who's the sexiest new member to join this month. They're going to pick a male and a female winner, and those two will get to use the site free."She had just told me I was going to be taking "sexy" pictures. It should be instructive for you, in terms of understanding how rattled I was at that moment, when you understand that I responded with:"But you don't need to do that to get a date. You could have any man you want!"Her smile was brilliant."I knew this was a good idea," she said. Then she put one hand on her hip and struck a pose. "Did I mention there's also ten thousand dollars for first place? I'll split it with you if I win."Twenty minutes later my brain was back on track. Not only was I going to get a chance to see Connie in "sexy" poses, whatever that meant, but there could be some real money in it too. I think it was thinking about what I could do with five thousand dollars that got me functioning again. I could get a car! But I had.
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