I didn't want to be a girl, I said to the nurse, I swear that I didn'twant to be a girl, I kept crying.By the afternoon I was not weak and I felt a little better so I leavemy bed and walked around the room stopping by the mirror.I looked like a girl indeed with my hair loose, and some butterflybarrettes, I lifted the gown and I saw where my pee-pee was I had nowtwo engorged lips of flesh.I tried to touch them but they were painful, I had a gauze thing insidethat was like a thick pen, and I thought that was probably a bandagethat better not touch again.On the third day my Mommy came and I was so happy because I didn'tloose her, She kissed me a lot and I was delirious, she said that shedid this to me because I will be happier this way, and she told me thatmy name was now Denise.Mom stayed with me all the time she helped the doctors every time I hadto put this thing they called dilator on my new opening, for me wasdifficult to call it Vagina, but one day she didn't came, she came. She resolutely refused to touch herself, no matter how great the temptation, but more than once she woke up in the morning with her t-shirt up around her hips and a large wet spot on the sheet, and her roommate complaining about the moans and mutterings coming from Diana in the night.But after a while, things did begin to settle down again, and although the memories and fantasies would still appear in her mind at odd times - she had to give up eating bananas and ice cream for a while - they seemed to have less potency and she was usually able to simply observe them dispassionately. It helped that James almost never showed up at the dining hall and always took his food to go when he did. On the few occasions when Diana had spotted him, she had simply averted her eyes and focussed her attention elsewhere - though she did mutter, Get a grip, Diana, to herself each time.Diana found herself thinking instead about one of the last things James had said to her: “You are a gift, Diana.” It.
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