I’m just having a hard time dealing with what happened.’ Matt responded that he, too, was conflicted about what we were doing. But he said he had always been a very cautious person, unwilling to take risks or try new things, and as a result had led a fairly dull life. Now he had a chance to do something different and maybe a little crazy, and for once he was going to just go with the flow. Whatever happened, happened. We exchanged a few more emails that night, and by the time we signed off I was feeling better. When I finally got back in bed I was too tired to think any further, and was able to fall asleep quickly. But the next morning I woke up early, with a terrific hardon, so I logged back into the computer and started looking for gay porn sites. The first one I came to featured a thumbnail showing two middle-aged guys together, so I clicked on it. It was not a professional video — you could tell by the poor lighting and the way one of the guys fumbled with the camera while. "Not even my husband hascomplimented me as much in all the years we've been married. This body is because of him. I found out he was cheating last fall and thought it was my fault. I figured if I got into shape he would notice me more. He promised he wouldn't cheat anymore but I caught him again recently. This time it was with his boss' wife so were are being transferred to another state. I thought I could do this, that you would do this for me to get revenge back but I don't know if I can go through with it." She hung her head down and took a couple of deep breaths. "I won't do this to help you get revenge on your husband," I told her. Her head hung even lower, she started shaking it side to side as if to acknowledge she made a mistake. She started to turn away but I held where she was. "I want to make love to you because I am in love with your smile, because you are a genuine person. I want to make love to you because I think about you everyday day and dream about you every night..
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