I run the car over an embankment, and I jump outwith my stuff. I quickly surround the car with gasoline from thecan.The lipstick on the end of my cigarette flashes once beforeigniting the gas. I've done this plenty of times. Again andagain I have heard the thudding explosion as the gas tankignites.Fire. Doesn't the Bible say ashes to ashes, and dust to dust?Sometimes I wish that's all I was. Just a pile of beautifulbroken bones lying in a wreck.It's now, as I climb back into my room, that I am at my worst. Iundress and put my hanging clothes back in the closet. I closemy eyes (I never watch the sun rise) against the coming of dawn.It's in this few moments before sleep overtakes me that I look onmy fate.I did nothing wrong. Wanting to be female was not wrong. Iunderstand that now. But why was I made to suffer like I am? Ithad to be something. Again I ask myself the question."Where did I screw up?" my voice, trembling with tears in mythroat, calls out.Suddenly, I am in a. “Is there a problem, Officer? Did I not make myself clear?”“I will not leave him alone with you in this room without some form of restraint,” Jenkins said.I looked at Mr. Van Dusen. “It’s okay. We’ll sue the department later.”Mr. Van Dusen looked at me, thought about it for a second, and then asked me, “How long have they had you here in restraints?”I shrugged with my left arm. I still couldn’t feel the right one. “No idea. All I know is that I’m hungry and no one has brought me my phone or the charger.”Mr. Van Dusen looked at his watch, a gold Rolex. “It’s almost two o’clock now.” Then he looked at Jenkins. “I received Mr. Connors message this morning at about nine-thirty. That’s almost four and a half hours with his hands cuffed behind him without processing.” He looked at me. “I believe we have grounds...”“Fine!” Jenkins barked. Then he unlocked the handcuffs from the desk and me. “But if he escapes or hurts you to do so, that’s completely on you. I’ve warned you multiple.
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