The ferns and the earth felt rich and sweet. At lunch time the sun cameout. They picnicked on bread, cheese and beer supplied by the Baron’s kitchens. When her brother fell asleep, Matilda found a sparkling pool round the corner undressed and cleansed herself of the Baron. When she sat on rock to dry her hands slipped down to her clitoris. The water had not cooled her sex or cleansed her mind. Back in her father’s castle, Matilda spent the long dark nights after returning home praying for forgiveness. As soon as it was dark she took a candle to the chapel. Alone and kneeling on the cold stone in a white dress she kept repeating the prayer: ‘Domine Jesu, dimitte nobis debita nostra, salva nos ab igne inferni, perduc in caelum omnes animas, praesertim eas, quae misericordiae tuae maxime indigent.’ (‘O my Jesus, forgive us our sins and save us from the fires of Hell. Lead all souls to heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy.’) The candle gave her an unwanted sexual desire. In. .." and her voice trailed off.I crossed the room and stood next to her, within reach. Her eyes dropped to the ground. She was so vulnerable it made me ache. I took my hand and gently lifted her chin up so I could see her face. She looked embarrassed and uncomfortable. I held my arms out to her and she rushed into my embrace. I held her, feeling the soft skin of her back under my hands. She felt small, but after she took a deep, calming breath, she felt stronger than she had at first. She was shorter than I, and her forehead pressed against my lips.I suddenly had some very un-motherly, un-sisterly feelings towards her – definitely feelings inappropriate for a therapist. These feelings confused me. I'd never felt anything like that towards another woman before. Well, that's a lie. But never so strongly.It made me pull back a bit, and when I did, she looked up at me questioningly. Her face was framed by dark curls. Her eyes were so brown and deep like holes; so completely opposite from.
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