‘Merry Christmas, Shellie,’ I reached in and hugged her close to me, marveling in the feel of her as she hugged me back. ‘Merry Christmas, Stewart. I’ll see you next year, right?’ I nodded gladly, keeping a stiff upper lip and refusing to show the sadness that was in my heart at that moment. At least it was only a few weeks and not forever though. Once she got into her car, I watched her drive off while I walked alone back to my own car. A tear formed in the corner of my eye once the car had disappeared into the night and slowly slid down my cheek. ‘I think I love you, Shellie,’ I whispered. ***** Christmas time was a long grueling solitude that nearly sent me into madness. I missed my children and their happy faces on Christmas day and I missed Shellie dearly. Honestly, I tried to miss my wife as well, feeling almost obligated to do so but I couldn’t bring myself to actually do it. I was just too happy to see her enjoying herself with her family and letting me blossom into a whole. ’ I could feel him hovering behind me as I emptied the chest of drawers, finally managing to retrieve what remained of my clean underwear. He’d never been able to read me when I cried, trying to hug me when I didn’t want to be touched, leaving the room when all I wanted was to be held. ‘She’ll be okay. She’s a fighter, love. She won’t–‘ ‘Don’t call me love!’ I choked, blindly squashing in the last of my clothes. ‘You don’t have the right anymore. And you don’t know that she’ll be okay. You wouldn’t be here if you really believed that.’ I wasn’t surprised when Daniel didn’t reply. And after snatching up the underwear I’d deliberately left out of the suitcase and grabbing the jeans and pink t-shirt I’d worn yesterday evening from the back of the chair, I escaped into the bathroom, closing the door with a bang. ‘Oh God,’ I breathed, bracing myself against the sink, still shaking from head to foot. ‘Oh God. Oh God…’ But after a moment, I realised I had to move fast, spurring myself into.
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