He'd drunk another man's piss. He'd sucked another man's cockand swallowed his ejaculate. He'd allowed himself to be reduced totears, humiliated beyond belief, and physically and emotionally abused.Why? What had possessed him to acquiesce to such maltreatment? Moreimportantly, what was the matter with him that he'd permitted suchmistreatment to begin with? Where was his self-respect, his self-esteem?No man who cared about himself would do the things he'd done.Why had Gary?He was submissive--but what did that mean? He liked to please. He hatedto say no. He wanted to be popular. All his life, he'd wanted others tolike and to accept him. He was acquiescent, compliant, obedient--in aword, submissive. Although these words defined him perfectly, Gary hadlong pretended otherwise, claiming that he was rebellious,insubordinate, resistant, and, if not dominant, assertive. His behaviortoday, in this motel room, with Russ, showed which of these two versionsof himself was true. Gary was a wimp.. So, if not outright hatred, they felt animosity toward him, and southerners have long memories, especially in small towns. So he had become sort of a James Dean type, sullen and moody in public. That was all I knew then, except my two friends, who knew him well, couldn't wait to see him again. When we got to the gate, we had a half-hour to wait, so we got a drink and sat around talking. We did that a lot then; there was little on TV then but American Bandstand. After junior high, no one watched that, or at least admitted to it. The malls were not yet the in thing. There was downtown and a trip to Richmond or Newport News that meant their downtown. So we sort of hung out and talked at Rascals, the drive-in or someone's house.Diane kept clinching her hands. It was as if they had forgotten what Rick felt like, and the constant squeezing would help them remember. Tammy just held my hand and looked out the window, as if it would make the plane come faster. Then it arrived, a National.
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